Who or What is The Grodog?

Well, that's really a hard question to answer off the top of my head, so here are some answers I snagged from my profiles on various online dating services.  I also added in some questions from those "Getting to Know You" emails that have been spreading across the internet like Ebola, and even added a few original thoughts of my own . . . .

Since writing these back in the Spring of 1999, when I first tried out the above dating services, I've fallen quite in love with Heather Anne Schunk (whom I did not meet through Matchmaker).  I figured that I could put the writing to some use here, though, rather than see it disappear forever.  .  

Date of Profile

Spring 2001

Physical Profile

  • The Grodog's full name is:  Allan Thomas Thomas Grohe Junior
  • The Grodog is:  Male
  • The Grodog is:  Heterosexual
  • The Grodog's Birthday is:  November 8th, 1969 (making him almost 30)
  • The Grodog is:  165 lbs
  • The Grodog is:  5 ft. 11-ish in. (but only when standing up straight)
  • The Grodog's build is:  Average
  • The Grodog's sign is:  Scorpio (go figure)
  • The Grodog has:  Medium straight, fine but thick, blonde hair
  • The Grodog has:  Deep Blue eyes
  • The Grodog's looks are:  Slightly above average
  • The Grodog has:  no tattoos or piercings
  • The Grodog wears:  Fashionable glasses
  • The Grodog is: White (and usually pale, too)

Geek Code

-----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK-----

    Version: 3.12

    GL$/IT$/C/H/O d- s: a C++$ UB P L E---(--) W+++ N-(++) o? K? w O- M@ V PS+(++) PE(-)(+) 
    Y+ PGP t+@ 5++ X+@ R+++--- tv-- b++++(+++) DI++ D- G+ e+++(++++) h--- r+++ y+++

------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------

Social Profile

  • The Grodog is:  happily divorced
  • The Grodog is originally from:  Merchantville, New Jersey, USA, Earth, Sol System, Milky Way Galaxy, Orion's Arm Cluster, Local Group, The Known Universe
  • The Grodog resides in:  an apartment in Lawrence, Kansas (on the same planet listed above, most of the time)
  • The Grodog drives an:  American sports car (not really, but it was the only option that was even close to the 1998 Pontiac GrandAm he drives)
  • The Grodog would prefer to drive:   a midnight blue Delorian
  • The Grodog works for:  Sprint as a Project Manager (though he liked the title and job of Knowledge Engineer better....)
  • The Grodog's schooling ended with:  a Masters degree in English from The University of Kansas, mostly because the prospect of the English PhD job market sucks to this day (his BA is from Penn State)
  • Most of the Grodog's friends:  were met through college (PSU), grad school (KU), and work (Sprint), with a very few known only through the internet, or from the gaming industry
  • The Grodog:   doesn't have many of the things in life he really wants
  • When buying stuff of note (Stereo components, VCR, Computer, etc.), the Grodog will:  spend the most he can afford
  • The Grodog's ideal home would be:  a big, old, house on the coast
  • The Grodog's preferred vacation would be:  Sailing the Caribbean

Interests Profile

  • The Grodog's favorite color is:  Midnight Blue (generally with silver), or Forest Green (with copper or bronze), or Black (with gold or silver or electrum or platinum or copper), or . . . .
  • The Grodog's favorite outdoor sport to do is:  Sailing and/or walking the dog on the beach 
  • The Grodog's favorite indoor sport (other than sex, of course) is:  Racquetball
  • The Grodog's favorite musical type:  tends toward Alt/Prog Rock but that's rather general:  see below for more babblings
  • The Grodog has:  traveled overseas (to Chile, in fact)
  • When going out, the Grodog will:  dress for the occasion
  • The Grodog prefers to see films:  in the theater
  • The Grodog's most recent favorite films are:  The Sixth Sense (theater), and Cube (video)
  • The Grodog:  watches very little television since Babylon 5 went off the air (though that has changed a little now that B5: Crusade has begun to air)
  • When he manages to stay in tune with current events (itself a rarity), the Grodog's source is:  Radio news (AM), on KANU, or CNN
  • The Grodog's favorite type of restaurant serves:  Italian food (but it has to be good, such as Paisano's in Lawrence:  Olive Garden is right out)
  • The Grodog's favorite type of fiction genre is:  just about anything well-written (see below for more)
  • The Grodog's favorite t-shirt shows:   the image of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland on the front, while the back says "I'm mad . . .  You're mad . . .  We're all mad here"
  • If the Grodog has any one comic book power at his disposal, he would choose:  Infinite Cosmic Power, so that he could fix all the things that were wrong with the world, disintigrate all the people who annoy him while driving to work, and then reincorporate them so that they know not to do it again

Personality Profile

  • The Grodog's sense of humor, such as it is, would place him:  beyond the Far Side, not too far from the Rim (often Wicked / Sardonic as well)
  • If the Grodog had to have a pet, it would be:  a doberman pincher (if he  could afford one, otherwise, a Rubic's cube would do nicely)
  • The Grodog's favorite meal is:  rare Filet Mignon served with fresh zucchini, onions, and mushrooms; a baked potato with butter, sour cream, and chives; asparagus or broccoli (steamed); and an endless vat of milk
  • The Grodog's favorite icecream is:  Silas & Maddie's Mint Cholocate Chip, Blueberry, or Strawberry-Banana (this week)
  • The Grodog:  drinks like a very social fish (to say the least), from time-to-time
  • The Grodog's favorite drinks are:   yes
  • The Grodog's favorite soft drink is:   Arizona Iced Tea
  • The Grodog:  does not smoke (unless very, very, very, very drunk)
  • The Grodog thinks he is:  generally fashion neutral
  • The Grodog:  usually doesn't get caught by surprises (things like tax deadlines, his mother's birthday, etc.)
  • The Grodog is:  Romantic/Optimistic (which was a tough call, since they also listed Bleak/Moody, Intelligent/Driven, and Cheerful/Realistic as other available options)
  • The Grodog is:  rather unreligious (in a somewhat non-denominational, all-hail-Great-Cthulhu manner)
  • Politically, the Grodog tends to lean: toward the left
  • When arriving for a meeting, the Grodog is:  usually early (unless he gets lost)
  • The Grodog's favorite season is:  Winter
  • The Grodog is a:  Feeler (cooperative, intuitive, creative)
  • With regard to children, the Grodog would like to have:  a few-ish, someday
  • The Grodog is annoyed by:  Smoking, lying, dishonesty, infidelity, the inability to understand another person's point of view, someone who looks at life with blinders on, people who are unable to forgive and forget
  • The Grodog's childhood dreams included growing up to be:  lots of things, none of which had anything to do with Project Management--a circus acrobat, a master jewel thief/cat-burglar, a martyr, a mastermind criminal (just like Professor Moriarty, in fact!), a famous author, a mad scientist, a millionaire, a non-mad scientist who discovered the cure to something important/deadly, an anti-Christ, a knight, a baron, a king, and a myth
  • The Grodog's virtues that grant him self-confidence are:  Virtues?   Hmmmm. . . .  most of the Grodog's self-confidence doesn't stem from any virutes--more from being comforable with whom he is, and generally liking him as that person (much of the time)

Essay Answers

This was the easy part.  I think I wrote too much and scared off any potential dates.  Oh well . . . .

Describe the type of person you might be interested in meeting (either romantically or platonically) and what traits you find attractive (or annoying *smile*).

When I fall in love again, I'd like to find a woman who's intelligent, affectionate, and who knows what she wants in life. Someone who's artistically inclined. Someone who will captivate my attention and imagination.

Aesthetically, any woman who's into literature, films (art to action), has a fine appreciation for music, and/or other artistic pursuits can hold my attention. I'm not into some forms of art (country music and rap; Woody Allen), but I'm usually willing to try new pursuits, especially from a fresh viewpoint/when with someone new.

I'm attracted to longer-haired women. I tend to like light-colored eyes (blue, green, and gray):  dark eyes are somewhat spooky (not necessarily a bad thing, just a spooky thing). I'm probably attracted to a woman's eyes first, and her hair or smile next.

If you were to meet someone for the first time, what would be the "perfect" setting? What would someone notice first about you?

When I first met someone on a date, I think she would probably notice my beard, if I have one at the time (I just grew it back recently though oddly enough I've been thinking about shaving it off again already), as well as my lack of a cel phone.  Perhaps my eyes or voice?

There is no perfect setting. Someplace comfortable would be nice: that could be a park, bar, four-star restaurant, Taco Bell, etc. Just depends on whom I'm meeting.  Meeting somewhere for drinks, dinner, a poetry reading, etc. at a decent-ish restaurant/bar/coffeehouse that would let us chat for awhile would be nice. I'd prefer somewhere near an ocean, but that's rather difficult to arrange in Kansas.

Share briefly about your faith, involvement in church, temple, synagoge. Are you involved in any community or charitable organizations or clubs?

This is a hideously complex issue for me. In summary, I was raised Catholic, and stopped the practice during college, but remain a "spiritual" person (not in the new-agey sense, just in the sanctity-of-life sense).  I'm not very religious, though I have a deep interest in mythology and things of that sort. Organized religion isn't my thing, for the most part.

I retain good values (don't kill people, don't steal from people, etc.), and respect others' beliefs, whether they're Jewish, Catholic, Hindi, Confucian, or pagan   ancestor worshipers who revere Great Cthulhu, etc. 

Describe your personality and physique. How old are you? (Here is a good place to make up for not having a photo on-line or telling things photos can't tell *grin*).

Physically, I'm right around 5'10" (perhaps a little more), 165 pounds, and have blonde hair. I'm 29, and am currently clean-shaven, though I've worn a beard on and off throughout the past decade.  It grows reddish in the summer, and my hair usually lightens a bit as well.

I like to think I'm a simple person. Sometimes I'm happy, introspective, playful, horny, intensely creative (my left-brained artistic side showing through), excitedly energetic, etc. Other times I'm quiet--not shy--just lost in something that I'll turn into a poem later on. Most days fall somewhere in-between. 

Tell us about your sports, hobbies, musical abilities, and pets. Do you have any memorable moments associated with any of these?

Sports-wise, I enjoy watching college hoops (especially KU) and ice hockey (the Philadelphia Flyers for pro, or olympic).  I'm trying to find someone to play racquetball with again (since most of my friends who play have moved to Kansas City), and have enjoyed fencing, yoga, volleyball, street hockey, tennis, and badminton in the past (some of those in the quite-distant past). I'm not a terribly athletic person, but I am more active than not.

I love music, and have vague dreams of mastering the fretless bass at some point during my life.  At present, however, other than my listening skills, I have no musical talent whatsoever. I listen to many types of music, ranging from classical (Bartok, Eroica Trio), to art rock (Yes, Marillion, Renaissance), to heavy metal (Rush, Queensryche, old Black Sabbath), to new age (Tangerine Dream, The Orb,  Vangelis), to pop (Sting, Sarah McLachlan, barenaked ladies) to unclassifiable stuff (Neo Pseudo, Hawkwind, Porcupine Tree, Fields of the Nephilim, The Blue Nile, Black Box Recorder).

Along with my musical interests, I write poetry, personal essays, literary criticism, and would like to get into screenplays sometime before I'm 40.

No pets, though my old roommate (who recently moved to California) used to have a cat named Trout.

What kinds of books, newspapers, magazines do you read? Favorite Authors?

I read lots of stuff.  Among my favorite authors are Michael Moorcock, Neil Gaiman, Lucius Shepherd, Herman Melville, H.P. Lovecraft, Kathleen Norris, John McPhee, Jorge Luis Borges and Umberto Eco. My favorite poets include Percy Shelley, Emily Dickinson, Li Young Lee, Pablo Neruda, and Osip Mandelstam.

In addition to the authors I mentioned above, I read many non-fiction books: earthquakes, volcanoes, geology in general, viruses, genetics, astronomy, mythology, memoirs, biographies, and such occupy many of my bookshelves. I've been on this science kick for about four or five years now, and it shows no signs of slowing down.

I also read various literary magazines (Boulevard and Ontario Review are my current favorites), The Pitch Weekly, and the odd Scientific American or Mercator's World (all about maps) from time-to-time. I roam the internet for information as I need it, and catch current events on CNN or NPR when I catch them.

I can read Spanish (I sometimes lapse 100% into Spanish after a night on the town....), and in theory I can read Russian, but I wouldn't bet the Red Square on it. 

What do you do professionally? How long have you been in that line of work?  Are you enjoying it?  Where do you want to be in 5 years? 10 years?

I work at one of the helpdesks at Sprint, where I've been Project Managing for a few months now, and at the helpdesk for about three years. Prior to working at Sprint, I did tech support at Lawrence Memorial Hospital while getting my MA in English at The University of Kansas. Just how I ended up in tech support is rather odd, since I'm not a technogeek by inclination (just by career, seemingly). The job's good, though nothing I couldn't leave behind with the right offer; it's a little less satisfying at the Helpdesk now that I've left direct customer support, but I still enjoy it and the the people I work with.

I write poetry, personal essays, literary criticism, and would like to get into screenplays sometime before I'm 40.  I even manage to get paid for writing from time-to-time.

In five years, I'd like to have bought a house, to have paid off my student loans, and to have moved closer to a coast, perhaps (remember, I still miss the ocean). I could still be at Sprint, in KC, though, since I rather like what I do (which is quite nice, since I've had few jobs prior to this one that I've truly enjoyed).

In ten years, I will have finished paying off the student loans I didn't pay off during the next five years, will have travelled to see either Antarctica and/or an active volcano, and hope to have begun to raise a family. We'll see, I guess.

What are the qualities you admire in your friends?

Their ability to amuse me in so many various ways.   Their intelligence, honesty, compassion, and depth of feeling.  Insight and creativity, in a few cases.  Mostly I'm just thankful that they're around, and help keep me from going Helpdesk (it's worse than going Postal, trust me) through the judicious application of humor, lunches, vodka, and their ever-present cheer.

Where are you calling from? Where were you born? What is your ethnic origin or ancestry? List some of the places you have lived. Where have you traveled?

I'm from Lawrence, Kansas, and have lived here since 1991. I lived in Merchantville--a small town in South Jersey--for most of my life. 

My large, extended family is scattered up and down the eastern seaboard. I'm the farthest west of all of them, at present. I was born in southern New Jersey, a semi-rural area much like eastern Kansas (less wheat, more ocean). I attended Penn State for my BA in English, and moved to Lawrence for grad school. After graduating, I segued into work at Sprint rather than continuing on for my PhD, since I was burned out, and the English job market sucked (and still sucks).

I'm of the usual motley American ancestry: English, Irish, Dutch, German, Danish. I've never been to Europe, though I'd like to go someday, especially to Germany (the Black Forest, Koln, Berlin), the UK (Edinburgh, Tintagel, Wales), and old Russia (Kiev, Moscow).

Within the States, I've traveled up and down most of the east coast, have driven west from Kansas to Reno, Nevada.  I like Atlanta and San Francisco a lot, as well as southern Wyoming.  I haven't travelled west of Kansas much, though, and would like to see more of the US out that way.

I have travelled to Santiago, Chile, this past October, on a writing assignment, and would love to see more of Chile.  Actually, I'd love to see most of the Southern Hemisphere for that matter, as well as Europe and the South Pacific, and the rest of the world. In particular, I want to tour the ruins of Troy, Athens, Crete, and Thera in the Mediterranean. I'd love to explore Antartica. I want to visit New Zealand, the Black Forest, Wales, and Iceland. Seeing an active volcano would be very cool. A cruise to Alaska. Mountain climbing in Tibet. Book shopping in London.  Exploring Aztec ruins. Watching the sunrise from Easter Island.

If you could be anywhere else than here, where would it be and what would you be doing?

I'd be writing love poetry somewhere on a coast--perhaps Queen Maud's Land or Tierra del Fuego--or among some ancient ruins in Mexico, or South America--rather than foodling on the net at 2:45am.

If I could go back to restart school all over again today, I'd study volcanoes or the Ebola virus. 

When The Big One hits, what do you want to be doing and where?

Hopefully I'll be visiting relatives in South Jersey, friends in Santiago, or touring the world since I'd have just won the lottery a few days prior. 

Where did you attend high school and/or college? What was your favorite subject and/or your major?

I got my BA in English from Penn State, and moved to KU for grad school in '91. 

At Penn State I majored originally in Architecture for one semester and one week, then floundered around in a general liberal arts daze for three semesters before settling into English. By the time I graduated in '91 (on time!), I had focused on American Literature, poetry, and creative writing as my areas of interest, though I enjoy geology, art, meterology, history, astronomy, virology, and mythology well.  

Moving to KU, I continued to study American Lit, and began writing poetry in earnest. Now I'm just looking for a publisher for my first two collections of poems, and have very occasionaly and quite vague delusions about going back to school to complete my PhD at KU.

What contributed most to your previous relationship/marriage not continuing?

We were different people who didn't click as dates, but have become good friends.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be, and why?

I wish I lived somewhere that the really good concerts came to all the time, and had fresh seafood :-)

Seriously, I'm fairly happy with me. I wouldn't trade places to be anyone else that I can think of. Well, maybe Neil Gaiman . . . .

What are some of your favorite artists/paintings, musicians/songs, authors/books and actors/movies?

Here are a few things not covered anywhere above:

Movies/TV: The Empire Strikes Back, Leaving Las Vegas, Don Juan De Marco, The Usual Suspects, The Killer, My Father the Hero, Heat, Casablanca, Citizen Kane, The Banana Splits, The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, Scooby Doo, Babylon 5, Babylon 5: Crusade

Artists: Rembrandt's "The Night Watch," Mark Wilkinson's art for Marillion and Fish albums, the photography of Dave McKean and Doug Hesse, Robert Gould's "The Vanishing Tower" and "The Stealer of Souls," and anything by Gustav Dore or William Blake

Games: Axis & Allies, Celebrity, Sorry, Speed Uno, Lunch Money, Settlers of Catan, Chess, Robo Rally, Ars Magica, Blue Planet, Call of Cthulhu

Alcohols: Beamish Irish Stout, Ketel One vodka, Beck's Dark, various wines (white and blush zinfandels, many Lockwood vintages), White Russians, Tequila, Pisco (indigenous to Chile)

What are some sayings, quotes, or Bible verses that mean a lot to you?

If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Want to change the world, there's nothing to it . . . .

-- "Pure Imagination" from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

What is your favorite thing to receive as a gift? What is your dream vacation? Where on earth have you never been to that you would like to visit?

Books, music, and artwork make perfect gifts. 

Of course, time with my friends is even cooler--whether that's talking about Chinese and Norse mythology 'til midnight, wandering the library book sales, catching dinner and a movie, or gathering for lunch once a week to stay sane in the face of work stress.  Especially when coming from the people who help make life special every day.  

Naps.  More naps would be good, too. 

If you were to inherit a fortune, what would you do with it?

I'd throw a huge party and fly in all my friends and relatives for the week, paying them so that they could take the time off. The party would be loud, fun, decadent, and everyone would leave feeling six years younger because of the vast amounts of stress they had blown off.

I would then pay off my student loans, and the debts of my family and friends, set up trusts for my immediate family, sick my brother Phil's investment talents on managing the trusts, and try to figure out what long-term good I could do with the X-gagillion dollars: support the arts and sciences, feed the hungry, and such.

I think that's a good start.

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